


New Traditions

by SeigePhoenix



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 15:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17247023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeigePhoenix/pseuds/SeigePhoenix
Summary: Shepard has never been one for Christmas.  Garrus tries his best.  Feelings are hurt and new traditions are made.





	New Traditions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [natsora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/gifts).



Shepard looked at the clock on the wall, having a sigh when another minute ticked by without sleep. She ran a hand through her hair, it was in need of a trim. Thoughts from earlier in the day haunted her thoughts and guilt ate at her. Garrus had tried and she'd been such a bitch. She thought to that morning on the Normandy.

~~~

Shepard sipped at her coffee as she trudged through the halls. She was far from a morning person, the war certainly didn't help matters. The soft sounds of jingling brought her attention up from the bitter coffee. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she looked around the cargo bay. Sparkling lights hung suspended over the ground, a tree that would give Charlie Brown's a run for its money sat in the corner, with a few clumsily wrapped sitting underneath it. Bright green and red Garland twisted along the walls, and… Was that a Santa hat on Vega's head?

“What the fuck Vega?” The lieutenant turned with a cheery grin. As he turned Shepard's eye twitched at the shirt. “That’s not within regs soldier.” She pointed to the bright red sweater that lit up with bright lights.

“Feliz navidad Shepard!” He raised his hand and flicked the hat, setting off the jingling bell. “The Doc gave me this!” He sounded so happy that it made it hard to stay mad at him.

“So it was you I heard.” James laughed at the accusatory tone. Shepard was always grumpy in the mornings. “What the heck is going on anyway?”

“Scars thought you'd like to celebrate Christmas.” James shrugged. “The crew likes it.”

“Jesus, this must've taken all night.” Shepard shook her head. She didn't have any pleasant memories of Christmas. Most of them involved being too cold, too hungry, and too angry at the world. Growing up on the streets of Chicago tended to disillusion any one. She'd only been able to look in at those happy memories others treasured.

She heard about it _all_ day. My family's tradition, we did it this way, and the all annoying one: what did your family do Shepard? The Alliance didn't like to broadcast their shining star was a gang member, and kept her past under lock and key. It set her nerves on edge and she felt a headache throbbing at the back of her head. Made her extra snippy.

Garrus avoiding her on one smallish ship didn't help matters. Everytime she turned around she'd just missed him. Shepard sat in her room going over reports when the door opened and her favorite turian came in. She met his eyes and he tensed as if reading the annoyance there. She saw him mentally going over what he knew about human behavior to feel out her mood.

“So, it's your fault I had to listen to Jingle Bells at least six times today.” He held out his hands in a shrug as he came closer. “What the heck was this all about Garrus?”

“I heard holidays are important to humans. Turians have our own but nothing like how you guys celebrate.” Shepard chuckled and shook her head. “I got your present.”

“Garrus. You didn't have to.” Shepard started as the panic began to lick at her chest. Even as old as she was, getting presents still caused a panic. Her previous relationships all gave her gifts but they came with manipulative strings. Garrus was the first good relationship choice she'd made.

“I know Shepard. I wanted to.” He pulled out the small box and that panic doubled. Commitment was still a hard concept to wrap her mind around. When all she knew was abandonment, someone sticking around was hard to get. Even now, almost a solid year together, she still expected Garrus to walk out. The thought of marriage sent her mind into a tailspin. The finality of it, her insecurities made it seem impossible.

Shepard looked up at him and the wild look there gave him pause. His hand tightened on the box and nerves got to him. He pushed himself over those nerves and set the box there beside her. She eyed it as if it was going to bite her. “It's not going to bite Shepard. I promise.” The sarcasm set her teeth on edge and pushed her to her limits.

“I don't like surprises. I don't like gifts.” She saw him stiffen out of the corner of her eye. She wished she was better with words. Wished she could explain it better. That it wasn't him but _her._ She'd rather cut off her arm than hurt Garrus but her words wouldn't stop. It was like the dam broke. “I don't like Christmas. I don't like Christmas music, lights, none of it.”

“I see. I'll leave you be then.” Shepard looked up as he started to leave. She wanted to reach out but had a feeling it wouldn't be welcome. Instead she watched as his back disappeared into the elevator. Heart sinking with every step he took.

~~~~~

Shepard knew what she needed to do. She slid out of bed and padded over to the desk. Her fingers closed over the box and she opened it. Inside wasn't a ring like she expected. Instead, it was a sealant ring. Like the ones that went bad over Alchera. She saw the note in the box and tugged it out.

_I'm not good with words but I wanted you to always be safe. Always know I've got your back. I have the matching pair, so you'll never have to worry about it failing again. Just like I'll never fail you again Jane._

She felt the tears burn in her eyes and felt like an enormous bitch. She wiped her eyes as she set the box back down. Her voice only cracked a little when she asked EDI if Garrus was awake.

“ _Yes Shepard_.” Two simple words but they gave her hope. She threw on some sweatpants and dashed to the elevator. The hall was quiet, only the twinkling Christmas lights were awake. Even the night crew was quiet, it surprised Shepard. The gunnery bay door slid open silently in front of her and she saw Garrus’ back. The distance was closed quickly and she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his back.

“I'm a bitch.” He paused in his calculations and looked to the side. Waiting patiently. “And I don't deserve you.”

“I'm sorry I pushed this on you. Vega said that it's a widely accepted holiday.” Shepard sighed and nodded.

“For most yes. There are still some who don't celebrate it. For me, it's nothing but bad memories.” She told him about growing up on the streets, being able to only look in at happy, warm Christmas memories.

“Spirits Shepard. I knew you had a rough time growing up but not to that extent.” He turned and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his armor, relishing the coolness of the metal against her heated face.

“I don't like remembering. Not pleasant. But, maybe…” Shepard took a deep breath. “Maybe we can make happier memories from now on?” He studied her carefully, bringing one hand to run through her hair.

“Did you open the box?”

“I did. Thank you. I'll wear it next to my dogtags.” She smiled at him.

“What made you panic like that? I feel like I'm missing something.” They headed over to the cot he had set up in the corner. Human beds were uncomfortable for him, so he'd picked it up on the Citadel.

“Well. I shouldn't have assumed anything, but when a human man gives the woman he cares about a tiny box? It usually has a ring and a proposal involved.” She settled down on his cot as he stripped out of his armor. He paused and turned his head to stare at her. “What?”

“You humans are strange.” He settled down next to her, wrapping one arm over her waist.

“What do you mean _we're_ strange? How do you turians propose then?” She tilted her face up to him as they spoke.

“Present our potential spouse with proof of our strength. A fresh kill.” Shepard gaped at him in slight horror. “I'm joking Shepard.” She glared at him, more mad at herself for falling for it. He chuckled low in his chest as he pulled her closer.

“Jerk.” She mumbled as she tucked her body up close to him.

“You love me.” His voice was joking but she smiled softly, keeping her eyes on his chest.

“You're right. I do.” It was her turn to laugh when he tightened his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and grinned as he ruffled her hair with his mandibles. “You're going to get them tangled again.” The sharp pull had her smiling. It was an old habit now. “Told you so.”

“Worth it.” She laughed and reached up to pull off her hair. “Shepard.” She looked up after finishing freeing them. “Next time? You can talk to me. I'm not going to turn you away. I followed you on a suicide mission into a relay that only Collectors used. I'm following you into what will most likely be hell. I doubt your insecurities will run me away.”

“I'll try Garrus. I'll try.” She sighed happily and rested her cheek against his chest again. His heartbeat was alien, there were a few too many beats to be like a human's, but it was comforting all the same. His hand came up to her head and stroked her hair until her breathing evened out.

“I'll never leave your side Shepard. There is no Vakarian without you.” He kept watch over her as she slept, soothing any nightmares that disturbed her sleep.


End file.
